26th January 2020 – I found out I was pregnant. No one in the UK really thought anything of this virus that was taking hold in a little city in China. We had no idea what was about to come our way!

On January 31st, the first two cases in the UK were confirmed.

28th February, the first British death occurred on board the Diamond Princess Cruise Ship, quarantined at the Port of Yokohomo, Japan.

5th March, the first death inside the UK, and the total number of cases stood at just 115.

By 23rd March, the entire UK was in a national ‘lockdown’, being told to ‘stay at home‘. A global pandemic was well and truly underway. Luckily we’d managed to have our 12-week scan just before, so my not-husband was able to join me in that.

The upside…

Fortunately, we had some beautiful weather in March and April, so staying home wasn’t that bad. We’re lucky that we have our garden to venture out into. I can’t imagine how people who didn’t have that mini escapism must have felt!

My not-husband was able to take a little time off during that first lockdown, as the base went down to essential manning only, with crews working week-on, week-off. Like everyone, we thought ‘great, let’s crack on with house jobs‘. In reality, we didn’t achieve much at all! I was struggling with sickness and headaches; on top of the usual pregnancy tiredness, so I wasn’t much use.

Silver linings to being pregnant in a pandemic…

My day job ceased almost immediately, which I’m actually quite thankful for. I was in no fit state to be visiting people in their homes! At the beginning of March I’d spent several visits trying my hardest not to throw up in clients’ bathrooms, which wasn’t ideal. As a result, I was secretly loving the opportunity to stay at home!!

Antenatal appointments were going ahead as planned. My midwife did offer a phone appointment, instead of face to face, but I declined. I just couldn’t get on board with not seeing a midwife in person. At these appointments, they’d listen to the baby’s heartbeat, measure my bump, and take my blood pressure. So I didn’t think those things should be skipped – just to be on the safe side.

20 Week Anomoly Scan…

This one was a little different!

By this point, the pandemic was raging, and partners were not allowed into the hospital. Scans can be nerve-wracking at the best of times, never mind going alone! As I have mentioned before, I experience terrible ‘scanxiety‘: often vomiting before a scan.

I was terrified of bad news! Convinced they’d tell me something was wrong! ‘How do you receive that kind of information alone?!‘

Thankfully all was well! I was so nervous right up until she’d checked all over and told me the baby was doing great! ‘What a relief!‘

The other part of this scan, as most will know, is you can often find out the sex of your baby. My not-husband already has 2 girls, so secretly we were both hoping for a boy! We had already decided to find out, but I didn’t want to be told without him there.

He was in the car park, nervously waiting for me to return, hoping it was all good news and the baby was healthy! It’s a subject for another day, but I feel the mental health of partners who have had to be on the outside throughout pregnancies is something that has been overlooked!

In the scan room, the Sonographer asked if I’d like to know, so I said, “Yes, but would you be able to just write it down and not tell me, please?“. She replied, “Sure, I’ll type it out on your scan photo and put it in an envelope for you.” I thought this was a wonderful way of doing things!

But…

There’s me lying there, over-thinking, as usual. ‘Shit, I’ll hear the number of keystrokes as she types! Don’t listen! Don’t listen! Distract yourself!‘

She told me to look away whilst she checked and then came the keystrokes…

One, two, three, four, five, six!

Awesome! I had no idea if it said boy or girl! I was so happy. She printed it out, popped it into an envelope, and slipped it inside my notes.

The walk back to the car seemed to take forever!!!

Outside…

My not-husband was waiting nervously on a bench. We walked back to the car together, discussing what she’d said health-wise. We got to the car and sat down on the edge of the boot. Neither of us wanted to open the envelope; both convinced it said girl! We talked for a moment. Whatever the result we were happy, we were grateful for this little one, and were over the moon he or she was healthy!

Then came the moment! I opened the envelope and held the photo face down. One, two, three…flip!

Oh my goodness! There was no mistaking the gender that was for sure! We both sat amazed for a moment. We couldn’t believe it said, BOY!!! It was such an emotional moment!

I glanced over at the trees to our left and saw 4 magpies sat in the tree! (“One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy!“)

‘Amazing!‘ I thought!

A memory that will stay with us forever! Much more so than if my not-husband had been in the scan room and we saw it on the screen together. So I am thankful for the way things were.

Breaking the news…

We had to rely on technology to help us out with this one! WhatsApp video calls were our best friend!

First on the list were our girls (my step-daughters) as we thought it only right they were the first to know. They hadn’t been coming to us – despite being allowed – as at that point in the pandemic, it wasn’t clear if it was adversely affecting pregnant women or not.

After that, we moved onto parents, then siblings, then the wider family and friends. Yes, it swallowed up most of our evening, but at least there was no traveling involved!

The summer arrived and things opened up a little. We made the dash for a last-minute getaway in our motorhome before our baby arrived. I was 34 weeks pregnant so we chose a destination less than two hours from home – ready to dash back to the hospital if needed! It was only three nights, but that was more than long enough to spend in a van with two teenage girls!

A little treat…

As my not-husband hadn’t been able to attend scans or appointments, when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday in July, I suggested getting a private 4D scan as I was 33 weeks pregnant. We were both able to attend and it was all really well carried out.

‘Scanxiety’ had struck again on the way there, and I was in a pretty bad way, vomiting in the car. It was awful! I wasn’t able to enjoy the experience as I should have done, but seeing our baby boy’s beautiful little face made it all worth it.

If it hadn’t been for the pandemic we wouldn’t have booked a 4D scan, so there’s another positive.

Nearly there…

Things were going fairly smoothly, then I broke my foot at 36 weeks pregnant. Luckily it wasn’t bad and wouldn’t affect my labour plans. At 37 weeks, there were issues with the baby’s fluid levels. As a result, I had to go in several times for scans and tests, all of which were on my own again due to the pandemic rules.

‘Scanxiety’ hit once again, except this time I had no idea what would happen at each visit. By 39 weeks, they wanted to induce me – and yep, you guessed it – that would be alone, too. Things were very different for the women pregnant in 2020. It truly was a lonely journey!

I’ll sign off here or this post will go on forever! I may share my story of birthing during a global pandemic if people would like to read it

Over and Out,

The Not Wife

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They lied!

It’s not all pink and fluffy like we’re told. Not everyone ‘enjoys’ pregnancy. Some of us struggle growing a human and THAT’S OKAY!

As I write this, it’s 0350hrs and I’m sat in my conservatory eating cereal and drinking a decaf tea! Having woken up at 0200hrs to pee, I attempted to go back to sleep but the hunger got too much! I’m sure this baby thinks “if you’re awake, you’re going to feed me!”…demanding already!!

I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant with our little boy (my first but my not-husband’s third after two girls) and to be fair, this IS the ‘nice part’ . People always said to me the ‘nice part’ will come and I thought they were lying! For the first 4 months of pregnancy, it was horrendous and I wondered how it could ever improve or be ‘nice’?!?!

But here I am, not feeling completely wiped out, or sick, or crippled with a headache. Miracles do exist! Hurrah!

Pregnancy – The First Part

Urgh! Where do I start?!

As soon as I became pregnant, before I even knew about it, I felt awful! I thought I was coming down with something. At around 4 weeks I began feeling a bit off. I was at a clients house one Friday afternoon and suddenly felt faint and incredibly sick. So bad that I had to call for cover and leave (I was sat with an elderly lady whilst her husband was out running errands). My fear was that I’d picked up a virus or something and didn’t want to pass it on to this lady and compromise her health. I’d also missed breakfast that day and was about to prepare lunch when I came over feeling like this. I thought it couldn’t be skipping a meal because that had never affected me before. It was odd!

I spent the rest of the day in bed feeling nauseous and a bit light headed, not thinking much of it really. I thought maybe I’d overdone it lately?! Saturday wasn’t much better, I woke up feeling nauseous but it passed. Again, thinking nothing of it, wondering if it was some sort of winter bug I’d got.

I don’t know what made me think differently throughout the day, perhaps an instinct of some kind, but I began to wonder if I might be pregnant?! We’d had a miscarriage in November so my cycles were a bit haywire and I couldn’t be sure if I was late or not as sometimes it can take a while to return to normal. I didn’t think we had been ‘in the danger zone’, but something was telling me it absolutely could be that I was pregnant. As I’ve said previously, we weren’t trying conceive…quite the opposite really. Read more about that here.

First thing the next morning…

I took a test and boom, there it was! The line appeared the second my pee hit the stick. It couldn’t have been more of a positive if it tried! A far cry from the faint line we’d had last November!

It was all downhill from here!

Firstly, I struggled to finish my cups of tea! I love a good cupa so this was the first symptom I thought could do one! Then came the hunger! Why was I so hungry ALL THE TIME, and why did I feel nauseous if I didn’t eat right away?! Urgh!

By 7 weeks I was REALLY beginning to feel rough! I felt sick as soon as I woke up and struggled to eat breakfast. Some days I felt so nauseous I was unable to get out of bed so I’d have to stay put, nibbling on dry cereal and sipping water. It was a definite ‘insta vs reality’ moment! My not-husband was great, he began bringing me breakfast biscuits each morning to help settle my stomach before I attempted to get up.

CRISPS!

Plain, baked, salty crisps! The only thing that kept the nausea at bay between meals. I was so hungry but couldn’t just eat all day, especially whilst working, so those crisps became my best friend. Getting me through the work day without vomiting.

The next level!

The tiredness was a bit of a shock. I found myself struggling to stay awake some afternoons. The worst part was, sitting in someone’s cosy house, in a comfy chair and NOT nodding off! It was January and February so often the heating was on making it extra cosy!!

I was just so tired, even after a full nights sleep I found myself needing to nap during the day…which of course isn’t always possible.

At nine weeks we’d been booked in for an early scan due to the last pregnancy and my anxiety around losing this one. The day before the scan, my symptoms seemed to disappear. They just vanished! I remember being convinced we’d lost it – an horrendous feeling! I woke up and didn’t feel sick for the first time in weeks!

The morning of the scan though, it was back with a vengeance! I threw up violently! Our hospital is a 40 minute drive away and I spent the entire time trying not to be sick in the car…

And that’s another thing!

Car sickness! I now felt nauseous as a passenger and had to drive myself to feel okay. Except that morning of course, I felt way too ill to drive!

The scan was fine, a good strong heart beat and everything as it should be. We met my mum that evening in a local pub (pre-lockdown) and told her the news. She’d known I’d been unwell and I couldn’t keep telling her I had a bug! I struggled my way through a vegetable lasagne which is one of my favourite meals! I think I had to end up taking half home with me as I just couldn’t eat it all. That night, I was getting ready for bed and I saw my lasagne once again (insert crying face!) I was now also hungry but unable to eat…that familiar cycle!

The Headaches!

Oh the headaches!! Why me?! I used to have terrible stress induced migraines but hadn’t had one for years! Probably a good 4 years since my last one. They were back, but this time they seemed to be hormone induced. They say pregnancy lessens migraines, well mine didn’t get that memo!

Almost daily I had a headache which if I didn’t catch quick enough, would turn into a migraine. Migraines would knock me out for at least a day or two, sometimes more! Really aware I was still in the first trimester, I didn’t want to be dosed up on medication all the time. I tried taking just half a paracetamol to take the edge off and that usually worked.

One morning in particular though, I’d got up and had a niggling headache – always on the right side…so predictable! I sat in my conservatory and put my head on a cushion. Pressure seemed to help dull the pain but this one wasn’t going anywhere. It escalated quickly and became a full blown migraine. My not-husband had gone to work as normal and when he left I just had the usual headache and nausea so nothing for him to worry about. By 10am, I couldn’t move! I couldn’t lift my head without wanting to be sick nor could I open my right eye without piercing pain.

I was incapacitated.

We have 4 dogs who by this point were wondering where on earth their breakfast was! I had to text my neighbour and ask her to come round and feed them for me. Luckily she’s amazing and always on hand if I need anything (and vice versa). She always checks in with me if she knows my not-husband is away too. Just the kind of neighbour and friend every military spouse needs!

It wasn’t until around 20-22weeks that the headaches tapered off. Up until that point I’d often find myself having to spend hours lying down, feeling like I was incredibly hungover and ‘foggy’. I’d end up writing off entire days due to headaches, which actually wasn’t such an inconvenience as by that point lockdown was well and truly underway and there was nowhere to be!

It gets better though, right?!

You’d like to think so!

The acid. The hip pain. The bleeding gums. The inability to eat a whole meal. The breathlessness. The lack of shoes that fit. The irritability. The heat. The feet in my ribs! The ‘Snissing’ (pee dribbles when sneezing!) Then there’s the more intimate issues…

Do I need to continue? Gone are the days of being comfortable! I think I’m lucky though. Some women experience far worse than that little list.

Currently, I cannot go a full night without getting up to pee, which I wouldn’t mind if I could go back to sleep after! Nope wide awake and then we’re back to the start…hungry!

Many a morning my not-husband will wake up to an empty bed. He thinks it’s weird. I just give up and take a pillow to the sofa. Sometimes I’ll drift off for a bit, others I’ll have a cupa and go back to bed to try again. Meditation is a big help in settling me back down into sleep. Simple guided sleep meditations on YouTube do the job.

I believe I’m lucky even with all of this though. I could still be suffering with the sickness so thank goodness that ended around week 18. Occasionally now it returns in the mornings and I struggle with breakfast but nothing like before, thankfully.

Still, my human is growing!

He’s growing by the day and I’m incredibly lucky to be having him. That doesn’t mean I can’t admit to it being hard and not enjoying it. Pregnancy isn’t my friend but that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for him. If you’re struggling with pregnancy or not enjoying the process…THAT’S OKAY! We all experience things differently and that’s our right to. Don’t feel guilty for your feelings, they’re yours and they’re valid! Not all of us enjoy pregnancy or find it magical and wonderful.

And that’s okay! Stay strong! You’ve got this!

For information and tips on staying mentally and emotionally well, visit Tommy’s (click here). Plenty of resources and suggestions to help. My inbox is also always open to anyone who’d like to get in contact.

Over and Out,

The Not Wife

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